(Author’s note: I do feel that I am equipped to write something worthwhile about subjects concerning marriage for two reasons: 1. I have a pastoral counseling degree from a Christian seminary; and 2. I have been happily married for 30 years. If you find this article useful, please send my website address along to anyone who could benefit from it - most especially young married couples or those considering marriage. Thanks! Jim Hall, A.A., B.A., B.A., M.S.).

Genesis 2:24

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
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One of my friends once commented to me about the reaction of his two 20-something daughters to a visit by me and my wife of 30 years, Mary.

“They really think you guys are a lot of fun,” he said. “They’re amazed at how much you guys laugh and joke and talk.”

This was a very nice compliment coming from my friend and I appreciated him sharing it.

It made me think about many of the homes I have visited where married people seem to be almost strangers inhabiting the same space. And, quite a few of these homes have been inhabited by married couples who are Christians.

These folks would talk to each other mainly in fragmented sentences and mainly about “functional” topics - “Do we need to get groceries tomorrow?” “Who is going to take Billy to his ball game tomorrow?” “Do you need any clothes washed tonight?” “We’ve got to fix that back door….it keeps sticking.”

But I would observe very little sharing and very little caring and especially very little laughing and smiling.

Odd, very odd.

My wife and I certainly don’t laugh and joke and smile and talk enthusiastically because our lives have been easy and idyllic. Far from it. Compared to most of the middle class people we know, our lives have been much harder than average. There have been major health-related problems and major financial problems, just to count a few of the myriad of trials and challenges. But we have always believed in the truth of the Bible teaching, “the joy of the Lord, is my strength.”

We have also learned that to have a healthy marriage has to involve real, truthful, honest communication - much more than a couple of people mutually coexisting. An atmosphere needs to exist in the home where everyone - including the children - are free to express how they feel (as long as they are respectful and not rude or aggressive).

Let me give you an example of what happens when this “feeling” communication is not practiced in a marriage:

A man came home from work and found his wife cleaning carrots. “I HATE the way you clean carrots!” he shouted. His wife, taken aback, could tell that there was more to her husband’s irritation than carrot cleaning. So, she responded: “John, what are you REALLY mad at me about?”

It turns out that John was really mad that his wife had said something a little bit insensitive about him the night before that hurt John’s feelings. But instead of expressing this at the time it happened, he repressed these feelings and let them build up inside.

Thus, World War III erupted the next day over carrot cleaning!

I am going to devote more to the issue of healthy communication between married couples in future articles here. In the meantime, talk to your husband or wife. Express to him or her how you are feeling. Don’t limit your conversations to commenting about sales at the discount store or how Bobby is going to get to his T-ball game tomorrow. Be honest, be open, be transparent with your spouse. This will help your marriage to not only just survive, but to thrive!

The Book of Romans 8:1
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
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I don’t know about you, but I have to deal with condemnation fairly frequently. This is mostly because I have chronic physical illnesses that other people don’t believe I should have. It’s as if they believe I am guilty personally for getting sick. They believe that I’ve done something wrong, so that is why I suffer with these afflictions.

Perhaps you don’t deal with condemnation for the same reasons I do, but for other reasons.  This world we live in is full of people who are inclined to condemn and to judge.

When I was a young man, I was too often guilty of this sin. As I often look back, I feel very sad about many of my own wrong attitudes towards others. I am so grateful that God’s grace covers this sin. Thank God, as I am growing older I am much less inclined to want to judge others.

When I meditate on the Scripture verse listed above, I think of what health departments do when they “condemn” buildings. Basically, they are saying that this building has become so defective that it can no longer be of use. They are also saying that this building will soon be destroyed because it can no longer be of use.

I can see a metaphor in this. When we condemn other people, we are saying that they are no longer of use to God and we are saying that they need to be “brought down.”  God forgive us!

Spend a few minutes today thinking about the freedom you have as a child of the Living God. There is no condemnation. We need to identify our sin and confess it to the Lord so that He can forgive us. But after that, it’s a done deal. No condemnation.

Let’s not walk in condemnation and let’s also not help to spread it around.

1 John 4:8
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

This one sentence in 1st John is comprised of a relatively few number of words, but these words form a powerful statement to think about on many levels.

On one level, we see that if we are to identify ourselves as belonging to God, we must love. In fact, this Scripture says that love clearly identifies us as believers and as servants of the Lord.

Today, I have been thinking about the second message in the Scriptural sentence: …..“because God is love.”

Like many of you, life has given me many things to be very concerned about today.  And, like many of you, I have had to deal with worry today.

Over the 33 years that I have been a Christian, I have learned the best “antidote” for worry and fear can be found in this one powerful, potentially life-changing Scripture statement: “God is love.”

If God is love and if I am God’s, then why should I worry?  Isn’t God really in control?  If He loves me as this Scripture tells me He does, then can’t I be secure that He is looking out for me?

Ah, but we are human beings. As the Scripture says, “earthen vessels.”
And, there is a devil who likes to whisper into our ears that we cannot trust in the investment of God’s love into our lives. Sometimes, that “whisper” can become very loud - such as during this time when many of us are seeing our financial futures being put sorely in jeopardy by the present events in the world economy.

And, what about the beloved woman who has just been to the doctor today and has received a report from her doctor that she has breast cancer?  Can she feel secure in and trust in God’s love?

In my 33 years as a Christian, I have faced many very serious challenges in life and I have found that God has brought me through all of them. Things haven’t always turned out the way I expected or maybe even wanted them to turn out, but God is God and I am not. His ways are indeed higher than my ways.

Let’s all take some time today to thank the Lord for His great love and to commit our trust to Him.  He really does want us to trust in His love for us. He loves you today, He really does!

And Jesus has the scars to prove it.